Congratulations on getting into UCLA, and welcome to the Bruin family! With fall quarter quickly approaching and your college career soon to begin, there is a lot to look forward to. But before attending your classes, you have to move into your dorm. It doesn’t matter if it’s Hedrick, Rieber, Sproul or Dykstra, living with one or two strangers in a room the size of a fishbowl is nerve-wracking to say the least, but it doesn’t have to be. As someone who has been through three sets of roommates and four different living situations in only two years, I have learned a lot about the ins and outs of how to live with roommates.
So here is everything I wish I knew before living in a dorm.
Going random
While it might seem fun living with high school friends or people you connected with at orientation, random roommates can be a much safer bet. The first reason is because it is a lot easier to go from roommates to friends than friends to roommates. Yes, you love hanging out with your friends, but living with them is completely different. Rooming with other people is hard and will lead to disagreements, frustrations and little things that are bound to get on your nerves. Rooming together is not worth it at the risk of petty quarrels, such as not using headphones while in the room or underwear being left everywhere, that can cause the loss of a friendship.
The second reason to choose random roommates is the difference between conceding and compromising. With your friends, you are more likely to put up with a living situation you are not comfortable with, such having the blinds closed all day when you would prefer to have them open, in an attempt to preserve a friendship. With random roommates, however, you are more likely to be willing to come to a compromise everyone can agree on since you are not concerned about potentially ruining a friendship.
Everyone lies on their roommate application
It is a harsh fact of life, but yes, everyone lies on their roommate application. It doesn’t matter if you and your roommates all said they have the same sleep schedules, lighting preferences and don’t smoke; this will not last past week one. It may happen where your roommate said they go to bed at 11 p.m.-12 a.m., only to be stumbling in at 2 a.m. almost every night. You will have to speak up for the living situation you want to live in and be willing to fight for a compromise. Going back to point number one, this is a little easier with a stranger than a friend.
If drugs are something that makes you uncomfortable or would prefer to not be around, that’s perfectly normal; unfortunately, alcohol, mushrooms or weed are common drugs that may find their way into your room, as these are common things that people lie about on their application.
Stand up for yourself
This point goes back to the first two points but deserves to be stated in full. Advocating for yourself may be hard sometimes, but it is one of the most important actions you can ever take. Never forget that your voice and opinion matters, especially when it comes to your living situation. If your roommate does something you do not like and it becomes a recurring issue, make them aware of it. While it is definitely easier to keep your mouth shut and learn to live with it to avoid conflict, you shouldn’t have to. By being open with your feelings and living preferences, you can create open dialogue with your roommates that will not only make living with them easier, but make everyone more aware and considerate with their actions in the future.
The roommate contract: suggestions, not laws
A part of the dorm living experience is creating a roommate contract filled with a set of rules and preferences to live by that you will present to your resident assistants, or RAs, for approval; but don’t worry about it. How you and your roommates live will change throughout the year, and you may need to reconsider some agreements as you and your roommates grow. It can be easier to have a living situation where there’s open communication about new changes.
Roommate transfer can be a good thing
Living with people is hard, and it may happen where coming to agreements feels impossible. Don’t put up with people who treat you poorly and force yourself to live in a place where you don’t feel comfortable. While it may seem scary to have to adjust to new roommates and the thought of leaving the friends on your floor does not sound appealing, it is not as bad as it seems. I was forced to move out of my freshman dorm halfway through winter quarter, and although I was dreading it in the beginning, it ended up being the best thing for me. Not only were my new roommates nicer, but since I was new to their room, they were very accommodating to make my transition easier. This also allowed me to meet two incredible people I would not have met otherwise. Even though it may appear easier to endure a poor living situation, the roommate transfer program is absolutely worth it if you find yourself feeling unsatisfied with your living situation.
Involve RAs as a last resort
Resident assistants may be wonderful people, but they can’t always resolve problems with roommates. RAs are not necessarily mature adults who are looking out for students’ best interests. In reality, the RAs are students who may be one or two years older. You should do your best to work out small conflicts within your room. However, after all conflict resolution attempts have been exhausted, you may want to get your RAs involved. Do note that depending on the severity of issues, getting RAs involved may complicate the issue by getting more people involved in the situation. Instead of the issue remaining between you and your roommates, the addition of the RAs adds more opinions and voices to the conversation. However, there can be some circumstances where it may be necessary.
Your happiness comes first
At the end of it all, it comes down to this: do what makes you happy. College is about finding yourself, and you can’t do that if you are miserable. If your roommates are putting you in a situation you do not want to be in, tell them, because your happiness matters. Don’t be afraid to advocate for what you need, and don’t settle on an issue just to end a conflict. If your roommates don’t respect you enough to accommodate what you need in order to feel safe or comfortable, do not feel that you must associate with them. Change rooms as many times as you need. This doesn’t mean you are unwanted, but it means that you know what you want: that is perfectly okay. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for anything or anyone; instead, find the things and people that will make you happy and your college experience the best it could possibly be.
With that, this was everything I wish I knew before choosing my roommates, and everything else I’ve learned along the way. I hope it will help you make your dorm experience the best it can possibly be.
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Featured Image Photographed by Xiang Li/BruinLife
