These are my ramblings collected from Amtrak conversations, reflections on rural America, a fictional narrative about a Sunday in the park and a walk along Boston’s Freedom Trail.

Ten thousand hours makes you expert in anything, so half that many miles should make you at the very least a novice. Having spent a whopping, almost 45 hours on Amtrak’s Southwest Chief and another 22 on the Lake Shore Limited, I know a thing or two about train travel. So buckle up – actually don’t, trains have no seatbelts – lemme rephrase that to be more train appropriate … So park that caboose (much better) because here is everything I wish I knew before the conductor called, “ALLLLLLL AHHHHH BOOOOAAAAARRRRRD!!!”

1. DO NOT! Buy a sleeping cabin

While it seems nice having a quiet place to escape to that comes with your own bathroom, included meals and privacy enough to negate the question, “do I change my underwear,” you completely lose the best part of train travel: The people! I slugged it out in the coach car for two days and while I would have changed my underwear had I sprung for a sleeper cabin, I wouldn’t have met my, now, good friend Ariel; and you can’t buy friendship but you can buy underwear. 

2. DO NOT! Be afraid to talk to people

This isn’t an airplane, a quick eight hours and out where you can nestle into your noise canceling headphones, connect to the onboard Wi-Fi and turn on the greatest in-flight movie of all time, “Crazy Rich Asians” (or if you’re my dad, “Shazam”), cause there is no Wi-Fi! Or if there is, it’s pretty bad. While it’s great to bring a book, keep a journal or play cards (more on that next), there is no better way to pass the time than striking up a conversation with a fellow traveler; and “where ya from” is always a great conversation starter. 

3. Bring a deck of playing cards

Not only is it great for playing solitaire (or failing to, in my case), but it’s a perfect conversation starter; “wanna play a game?” or “you know any card games?” I learned how to play Gin Rummy from Ariel and while I may have lost a bet where I had to gaslight my friend into thinking I got a tattoo, I also learned a game I can now teach other travelers. Additionally, cards are Amish friendly! A lot of Amish folk travel the United States by train and you can’t exactly play Game Pigeon with them, it’d go right over their head (Ha, bird joke!). So when the kindly gentleman in the snappy suspenders, flannel button up and Belloq’s hat from “Raiders of the Lost Ark” asks “watchya playin?,” you can teach him Egyptian Rat Slap. 

4. Fresh air and cigarette breaks

Every so often, passengers will get an “extended” stop to stretch their legs, get fresh air or crack open a pack of Marlboro Reds. However these “extended” stops (notice the quotation marks) are only three minutes. So not only is this not nearly enough time to take a full drag on a cig, but also the “fresh air” you were promised (again, notice the quotation marks) is riddled with cigarette smoke. This is a lose-lose situation for everyone, but at least you get a chance to stretch your legs. 

5. I’m hungry mamma, I really am

More applicable to longer journeys like mine, but pack food, and a variety at that; or be okay paying $20 for breakfast, $25 for lunch and $45 for dinner; but I hear the food is pretty good so it’s definitely worth a shot if you got the funds. When it comes to packing food, pack like Ariel. He brought Quest cookies and cream protein bars, Jiff peanut butter, expired bread for sandwiches (he didn’t know it was expired, but ate it anyway and looks perfectly fine), Cheeto-dusted Smart Popcorn and beef jerky. Me on the other hand, packed nothing but Built Puff coconut protein bars. You know when you were a kid and ate through all the good Halloween candy, Reeces, Peanut M&M’s, 100 Grand and get stuck with nothing but Mound’s bars (not even real Almond Joys, freaking Mound’s bars because God forbid you have an ounce of textural variety in that chocolate covered coconut slurry) but you eat it because you’re young and candy is candy? Remember how sucky that feels? Yeah, that’s me right now. Built Puff bars were my breakfast lunch and dinner on my way to Chicago and Boston; not feeling so good Mr. Stark. So for food, pack at least two snacks. 

6. Water

For every day on the train, pack 32 ounces of water. I only packed my full, 32-ounce Thermo Flask and ran out of water mid way through my second day with 24 hours still to go. You can buy water on the train, but it’s always better to be prepared. 

7. How and where to sleep?

This varies person to person, like my Indian friend from the coach cabin slept just fine (or at least, he snored like it), but Ariel, despite being deprived for two days by the time I met him and popping melatonin, couldn’t manage decent shut-eye. So here are all of my tips to give you the best nights sleep possible when aboard an Amtrak train:

Sleep in the club car, NOT your assigned coach seat. Why? Because, everyone is trying to sleep in their seats. Which means the car is packed like sardines (though you do have a decent amount of room to actually recline), it’s muggy in there from the body heat and heavy breathing, plus snoring is not the best white noise. 

In the club car, however, it’s a lot quieter and colder since most people are in their seats, meaning you can lay flat across a bench and not have to worry about that butt-in-your-face aisle seat shimmy. But since it does get colder, make sure you have a blanket handy. I was damn near shivering on my final night till Chicago on the Southwest Chief and had to keep running two cars back to my luggage at four in the morning to get more layers. 

Second rule on club car snoozing: have a pillow. Since I wanted to rough it out, I enjoyed the vibe of using my hard-ass backpack as a place to rest my head. But 5,000 miles is such a crick in the neck, so I’d understand if you want something a bit more comfy. 

Third, the lights don’t shut off fully in the cabin car, but an eye mask clears that right up. Also, people will move into the club car to continue their keyboard clacking or conversations once the coach area hits the quiet hour, so have some noise canceling headphones to block out the residual noise. 

Lastly, while you fully are allowed to catch some z’s overnight in the club car, the attendees don’t want you sleeping there past 7 a.m. So if you do take my advice, be prepared for lady at 7 a.m. pounding on your chair until you regain consciousness, panic because you can’t see jack due to your eye mask, so while the sun is out, it’s pitch black for you and you don’t know where you are, time zone you’re in or what’s happening at all; all you know is there’s a loud THUMP THUMP THUMP and the muffled voice because, oh yeah right, you can’t hear anything either due to your headphones, so you can’t see and can only feel vibrations until you rip off your sleeping accutremon in a frenzy and have to show the attendee your ticket, which is on your phone that you fumble with for three minutes while struggling to navigate the phosphorescent, blue landscape with your sleep-deprived eyes. 

Jokes aside, traveling by train is one of the greatest experiences you’re probably missing out on. I loved seeing the dilapidated structures of the Colorado countryside or the herds of cows and elk. The people I met are all incredible in their own ways and I only got to know them because we had the time to talk over two days. I taught a card game to an Amish person, how many of you can say that? 

Travel is meant to open your eyes and better yourself, not a quick there-and-back for Instagram clout. So catch that train and go somewhere new, read a book, talk to a stranger, share a beer and learn about soil chemistry from an Amish guy because it really is about the journey, not the destination.